...the smell of my brother, my own flesh and blood. The smell of an angel...the smell of what I once was.

I remember the first time Ezekiel and I met after all these years. I remember his big green eyes, full of horror, tears and emotions I could not sort out. Day by day, he changed. Instead of running away and refusing to attack me, he finally decided to strike back. Instead of my sensitive, caring, protective and utterly loyal brother I saw a strong, willful and courageous person. The hate that I planted in him was growing rapidly. I could feel the charisma Ezekiel had within himself but there was something else. So much sadness. So much pain...I always told him, give up on the human beings, they're doomed for all eternities. They cannot go back to the path of love you're trying to show them so badly. You'll lose yourself on the way.

But why am I trying to be smart? I am the one who destroyed it all. I knew that my brother's suffering mostly because of me. I am the one who couldn't forgive and let it go. If I can't have HER, no one will...and if I can't have my brother's love only for myself, then no one will! How selfish of me. But I did what I thought was right. Now I'm an empty and distorted creature. A poor weak thing who sold his soul in order to get more power. A betrayer. A coward.

I must fight the person I love the most, for something deep within me plays a game with my soul. Kill Ezekiel, that's what it screamed in my mind, every day, every night, every second of my existance. It pulls me up and down like a puppet on a string. It's too strong for me to break free, and I'm too weak to live without it. I must fight myself, forever. No way back. No way to move on, to make it all right again. It's impossible.

Kill your brother...but I can't do it...oh I can't.


I clutched Ezekiel's black feather in my hand, inhaling it's scent once again.

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